Much has been done this semester break, one more day and my days in Ipoh are up. There are many things that I have done for these two months. In terms of my walk with God, it hasn’t been any better. I again see myself as the Isrealites that forgot about God when things seemed fine. I stumbled in my own world again. But, disappointment must be overcome by courage to change my future, not by my own might but with God’s power.
Today was my ‘last’ day playing captain’s ball with the Elim folks. I have always enjoyed this game as much as I enjoyed playing Frisbee and I anticipated today’s game. There is another side of me who still remembers a remark someone gave telling that I have not put in effort when playing captain’s ball in the Sunday evening (the taiko regards it as regular captain’s ball training, and of cause I didn’t know that) People who did mistake are told off on the spot, that probably gives you a hint of what’s happening on the field. I didn’t enjoy that spirit as I just want to sweat myself out and have some fun. Who cares if you don’t run fast enough or throw accurate enough. Well, that what I call not ngam channel I guess.
I told myself to play somewhere else today when I reached Elim. Somewhere, on the other field, basketball field… just not the Elim field where the same spirit that dominates Sports Arena, Klang dwelled. I didn’t know why but someone told me to just ignore other people’s remarks. So I joined in. “It was the last Sunday of 2007” starts off our game. I found myself in the same situation when I was in COPA IBA. My team players’ statures were way smaller than the other team. We played our very best although not with the right strategy. My pal I think lost his temper in the game. I didn’t know what happened in the end but the kiasu-ism in me emerged. I just wanted to score and sure enough I hurt someone again. Yesterday was Ah Ki and today was Bernice. I am really frustrated with myself. I thought I have long overcome this feeling of mine and I know I am lying to myself. Oh God, help me to become a better sportsman! I know I cannot go far with this kind of attitude.
Today is the second last day of 2007 and I am no better than the me on the second last day of 2006. One thing I wish hard for and pray for, it is for me to embrace the fact that “I can’t, God can, God will’.
